War of worlds

I am currently enjoying some time on maternity leave following the birth of my second  son. With my first I returned to work after 7 weeks. At the time some people questioned the speed at which I returned by having now spent over 4 months off work I think I had it right the first time! The longer I am off work it seems the harder it is to think about returning. With my first son circumstances dictated that once the full pay was removed I would have to return to my managerial role in a full time capacity.

Having worked since I was 16 this was my comfort zone, back in the office, commanding the work to be done and enjoying the results gained from a hard days graft. As my son began to grow and learn I missed key milestones and he most definitely preferred his main care giver to me. We had plenty of adventures on the weekend, unless there was a need for me to work of course, and returning to work also meant that we could enjoy family holidays and getaways more frequently than if I had taken more leave. At the time I never questioned whether the money was worth the sacrifice of time with my son. Looking back I realise what I missed out on while working full time, 5 days a week with some days stretching to 12 hours. I didn’t see him for breakfast or tea and missed out on so much. I believe at the time I thought that I was supporting him in the best way, showing him how working mothers achieve in the ‘real world’, now I just question everything I did.

So the big question, is it better to be the maternal mother caring and tending for every need of the child? Or the provider, working every day to make a better future for your children than the one you had? My family was loving, caring and giving, they had nothing when I was growing up. We borrowed and took clothes from family as we grew, but I was happy and well loved. Is that in the end all that matters?